Fatherhood Manifesto

The following is a guest post from Chad Missildine. Follower of Jesus, Husband, Father, Pastor, Blogger, & friend from the Twitterverse. He was kind enough to allow me to share this challenge for Dads. Link to his blog for the original post here.  Follow him on Twitter here.

Fathers, guard well what has been given to you.
It is not your job to simply bring home the bacon.
It is not your job to simply make sure the lawn is mowed.
They don’t need your wallet, even though they will some day ask for it.
Security is important, but it is not everything.
What they need is different.
What they need can’t be purchased.
What they need is set apart.
What they need is you.
All of you.
Heart.
Soul.
Attention.
Affection.
The part that may be locked deep inside of you.
It is time to reach in and let it come out.
They need to see the real you.
Imperfections and all.
They need you.
They need to know you love them.
They need to see that you love them.
No matter what.
Even when they are bad.
That you will always love them.
That you love them so much that you will show them a different way.
Through your gentleness and respect.
Through your consistency.
Through discipline.
By being authentic.
By being all there.
By showing them the example that you’ve been called to show.
Even when it hurts.
And even when you don’t know how.
This is your job.
When the world tells you it is about buying their heart.
You will win it by a different method.
You will win them over with love.
And they will change the world because of you someday.
Now go live it.

Dads, what is the single greatest challenge you face as a father? Those that are not dads, what is something you’ve picked up about fatherhood that may help the rest of us?  Leave a comment & let us know.  And be sure to subscribe here or with Chad.

Lima Beans, Bananas, & Oompa Loompas

Lima Beans, bananas, & Oompa Loompas.

What do these three terribly random things have in common?

One evening.

At my house.

This evening.

Picking through his mixed veggies at supper, my four year old son adds to the milieu of conversation, "Lima beans will break my heart."  You can't make this stuff up.

Choosing a snack later in the eveving when offered homemade cookies, my seven year old daughter asks, "Daddy, can you get a banana for me since I had cookies in my lunch?"  What planet did she come from?

Coloring pictures & chatting at the table just before bedtime, my ten year old son hits me up with a quizzical riddle, "What do automobile dealers & Oompa Loompas have in common?"  He rescued me from answering, telling me he just made it up.

Three children.

Three random statements.

Three slices of life.

One Daddy.

One Daddy who loves these kiddos more than life itself.  So blessed to call them his.  So graced to share them with an amazing wife.  To have them on loan from God.  To be a steward of their precious souls.

Now I got one for you.

What's an Oompa Loompa got to do with Christ following parenting?

Everything.

Share a slice of your parenting life by commenting below.  And share this post with others.

Four Lessons for Number Seven

October 23, 2005.  My first Sunday as Senior Pastor of Southview Baptist Church in Lincoln, Nebraska.

October 24, 2011.  My first Monday of the seventh year as Pastor with Southview.

Six years.  Plus one day.

Starting my seventh year.  I love these dear people.  My church family.  It is my daily joy to serve.  It is my privilege to be so close to God at work.  It is heartbreaking when I realize I have failed them.  It is crushing to walk through life's valley's with them.  I count it all joy.  Trusting our sovereign, loving Father.  And I pray I can be more like Christ & do more for his Kingdom in this seventh year than the last six.

Four lessons.  For number seven.

Loving.  My wife must know, my children must know, my family must know, my church family must know, my friends must know, & everyone I meet must know that I love them. The otherish love we share is God powered, other centered, & self sacrificing.  We love because Jesus first loved us.  We love as he commands. We love not because of what others can do for us, but because of what Jesus has done for us.

Leading.  My home needs a leader.  My church needs a leader.  My peers need a leader.  Our world needs leaders.  Christ following, Bible believing, courageously obeying, selflessly serving leaders.  Where my family has faltered, I am at fault.  Where my church has struggled, I have been lax.  Where your business has bungled, you are to blame.  Learn from it.  Move forward better.  If I am the leader, if you the leader in your family or workplace or church, then we must have a simple motto like this: I am the leader; I must lead.

Listening.  In order to love well, I must listen.  In order to lead well, I must listen.  We're all different - personalities, experiences, habits, maturity - yet we are all wired to want to be focused on.  We want to know others are listening.  We want their eyes.  Their body language.  Their questions & comments to show that they are with us.  And, when I assert my own ideas to quickly or am distracted by other things, I devalue the other person created in God's image & I cut off communication that mirrors that union.  When I do not listen well, I damage more than communication.  

Learning.  Your organization will be limited by your ability to learn.  Family, church, business.  When you stop learning, you stop moving forward.  Whether you are "the" leader or "a" leader - or even if you don't consider yourself a leader at all - you must continue to learn.  Come humbly.  A learning posture not only admits not knowing it all, but freely admits that it doesn't know much.  This learning posture admits the need for others.  Our learning posture honors the Christ's church as a body with every member needing one another.

I have falied when I have not lived these four Ls well.

I will continue to fail if I do not live them well.

Learn from me.  That humble posture might be the beginning for you.

Loving.  Leading.  Listening.  Learning.

Laying it all down for Christ.  And those he gives us to serve.

Uphill Downhill

We live up the hill.  One of the highest spots in Lincoln.  In hillier than you'd think Eastern Nebraska

That's caused me to think: For every hill you go down there is one to go up.

Recently my Dadometer indicated the oldest needed some time alone & it was the perfect evening for a bike ride.

Tearing out ahead of me he shouted, "I'm gonna beat you, Daddy." Here & there around the neighborhood streets we went.  Then we left the pavement behind.  Downhill into the tree farm on dirt paths we plunged.  My boy was loving it.  "Wooo-oo-oo-ooo," he exalted in bumpy path vibrato.

Turning uphill I led reminding him we could enjoy the view from the top.  Yet halfway up I heard it.  Words indistinguishable.  Tone clear.  Complaining about the hill.  My boy stopped.

Back downhill we went.  His smile returned.  We pedaled toward another adventurous off-road spot.  His tone changed exuberant.  He hollered, "This is fun!"  Reaching the creek bottom, we rested a bit in the cool.

Then uphill we went.  And, again, his tone changed.  I began to instruct: it is harder going uphill; we shift gears; keep pedaling; accept slower forward progress; but we keep going; we get there.

When we reached to top of Captain Underpants Hill - yes, thats the name my kids have given a statue on a hill nearby our home - we stopped again.  This time we needed a little lesson.  Son & Father both had something to learn.

"Buddy you were having so much fun a few minutes ago.  What changed?"

"The hill.  I don't like the hill."

"I know it's hard to go up hills, but you made it up.  You're here."

"Yeah."

"You gotta go uphill before you can go downhill, Buddy.  Life is like that."

In a split second I'm thinking to myself, "Remember this the next time you are struggling with something, Mister Daddy Man.  If you are gonna enjoy the downhill, you gotta work the uphill."

Life doesn't come equipped with ski lifts.  Elevators or escalators either.  Life does take plenty of work.

Heartbeat

Our four year old - the Loving Linebacker - is growing bigger & acting stouter all the time.  Rough & tumble one moment. Gentle & loving the next.

Attempting to ready him for sleep last night I said, "Let's lay on your bed & read a book."  Knowing that he loves to be self-determined I added, "You choose one."

And, since he wants to be a paleontologist, I should not have been surprised by his choice: Ferocious Dinosaurs!  It even has sound.  Roaaaar!  I read softly & slowly attempting to mellow the beast beside me.  Yet he was so excited, he couldn't lay down, but sat & bounced beside me.  Peppering me with questions. Animated at the prospect of enormous creatures eating gargantuan plants.  And one another.  Rough & tumble.

Book complete, however, he laid his head on my chest.  Gentle & loving.

I whispered slowly, awe voiced, "Lay still. What do you hear?"

He whispered back, still as he could be, "I hear thumping."

"That's Daddy's heartbeat. God makes it beat.  It makes me alive."

I received a still, soft, "Uh-huh."  He lay motionless.  Listening.

Still whispering I asked, "Do you know what it says?"  Speaking to the rhythm of my heart, "Thump-thump, thump-thump, says, I love, John Mark. I love, Mama. I love, Mary.  I love, Sethy. I love, John Mark."

And then I prayed.  With my son's ear planted still.  On my chest.  I prayed.  Of thanksgiving, of praise, of protection, of wisdom.  And love.

O, how a father loves.

O, how much more our Heavenly Father loves.

God, so loved... you.

But God demonstrates his own love... to you.

You are the heartbeat of our Heavenly Father.

Share a comment - praise, prayer, thanks - as you choose.