I Struggle With What To Say

I struggle with what to say. Generally, I have a lot to say. Just ask me. Or maybe stay quiet. I’ll fill the silence with an observation or a question.

But, at this time in our country—following the heinous murder of George Floyd—with protests continuing everywhere you look, I struggle with what to say.

Without question I condemn racism and police violence. I agree, Black lives matter.

Yet, what I do question is why. Why after hundreds of years in this so-called “Christian nation” do we struggle so much with prejudice, discrimination, racism, and violence? Why is it that we can not always trust those sworn to protect and serve to keep from doing the opposite? Why haven’t things gotten better despite the life-sacrificing efforts of so many good folks?

As a pastor I see sin. Anger and its malevolent motivator, contempt. Hate kindled by some unseen unforgiveness. Fear that is blind to reason, hard-hearted and graceless. And pride. Pride, of course, is the root of it all. Foolish, judging, selfish, arrogant pride. I see a heart problem.

And, I wish I could fix it. Get folks to sit down together, share a meal, tell stories, and get to know one another. Get folks to set aside their prejudice and fear to give grace and hope a chance. Get folks to truly live the noblest values of the religion they subscribe to. Get folks to love one another. 

Life is better when you love one another. No matter the other. 

I struggle with what to say. 

But I’ll keep loving. I’ll keep serving. I’ll keep praying. I’ll keep preaching. I’ll keep kindly asking others to do the same. And, maybe, just maybe we’ll see a genuine change in loving one another.

To Be Angry

And the Lord said, “Do you do well to be angry?”—Jonah 4:4, ESV

Jonah, God bless him, didn’t want to go preach God’s grace to Nineveh. He wanted the wicked Ninevites to suffer God’s wrath. He knew God’s grace was too great. Even for evil Nineveh.

Sure enough the Ninevites repent and turn to God from their sin. And Jonah, God bless him, was exceedingly displeased and angry. Angry with God. THE compassionate God who just spared Nineveh. THE compassionate God who is now sparring Jonah rather than zapping him.

Jonah said famously of God in 4:3 (ESV), “for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster.”

It's like Jonah was saying, “I knew it. That’s why I didn’t wanna go. I knew it. That’s why I’m angry with you God. Yeah, God, I gotta lotta nerve to be angry with you.”

As I’m getting a chuckle out of self-righteous, sovereignty-assuming Jonah, I read verse 4. I’m stifled by recollection of my own foolish anger. 

“Do you do well to be angry?,” I query. “Well, no. Not really. I act foolish. I lose my cool. My anger bothers—even hurts—others. It makes the situation worse. It is... sinful. God, forgive me. Let me trust you.”

Anger, the inward emotion, happens.

Anger, the outward expression, is a choice.

Anger expressed betrays wicked hearts. Faithless hearts. More intent on human ways than God's sovereignty. 

I don’t do well to be angry. God bless me.

Really, God, bless me to trust you more and angrily react less.